Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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