I am puke
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
