two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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