Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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