I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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