if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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