im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
