I need help removing her.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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