Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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