Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
