i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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