We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
