was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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