I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
