Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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