Do you still have your period?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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