I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
