I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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