she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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