Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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