I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
