Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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