He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
