i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
