Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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