do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Can Purell be used as lube?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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