let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
