I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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