the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
