The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
