haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
