i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
