What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When are your genitals available?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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