my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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