Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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