I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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