I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
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Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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