Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
