so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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