Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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