All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
