You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
