I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
