that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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