I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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