I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
