Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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