I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
