he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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