He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
