Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
