Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
