I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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