We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
