I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
