I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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