so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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