So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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