I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
FUCK WHALES
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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