Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
