what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
