Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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