I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
