i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
