My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize