just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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