Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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