the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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