he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
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Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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