You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
