Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
