I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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