My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
