I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
